The Mean Girl in My Head

I have a mean girl in my head.  She says some really mean things to me.  Do you have a mean girl in your head too?  If so - there are things you can do to shush her up.

I'm not a behavioral health specialist - but I am a real person and I think many real people deal with this - male and female.  It happens to older people as well as younger people. It happens to wealthy people and not so wealthy people.  It happens to PEOPLE!

I recently heard a podcast where the guest had written a book called "Mastering Your Inner Mean Girl" by Melissa Ambrosini.  I haven't read the book - but the title of the book described a struggle I have had in my life. 

Who do you talk to more than anyone else on a daily basis? Yourself!  What are you telling yourself?  Are you saying encouraging things to nurture yourself - or are you mean, criticizing, blaming and guilting yourself?

There may be a number of reasons we have a mean girl in our heads.  Whatever the reason, you can work towards re-directing her.  What does your mean girl say to you?  Mine usually has something to say about my appearance. She says things to me I would never say to another person.  She says things to me I don't even notice in other people.  What I have come to realize over time is she notices things about me that no one else does!  My physical blemishes are much more magnified to the mean girl than they are to the other people I am interacting with every day.  This is true for many of us.  There is something we focus on in our appearance that others don't even notice. You might have a friend who will complain to you about her "problem area" and you have no idea what she is talking about!  She isn't fishing for compliments -she  truly believes what she is saying because HER inner mean girl has beat her up over it. You telling her a million times it isn't true doesn't convince her. 

It might not be physical appearance - it may be your ability to do something, making you afraid, ashamed or helpless to pursue a dream or a goal.  It may keep you from fulfilling your God given purpose in life, which is the most tragic of all.


We have a choice, a choice not to listen to her.  A choice to change her narrative.  As with any change in our routine - it takes work to shush her up.    First you have to recognize when she first gets started.  It may take a little practice - but keep noticing when she starts her trash talk.


Once you are aware, change the message.  It may feel unnatural at first to contradict her - so maybe take the message to neutral.  What I mean by this is - if she is telling you, for example, "your eyebrows are too full" - taking it to neutral could be - "I have eyebrows".  Taking it all the way to positive could be "I love my gorgeous eyebrows". If your mean girl has been at it for years, it may be difficult at first to take it to positive so taking it to neutral might feel more do-able.  Once you begin to get comfortable with neutral - go for positive!!  This is also called face and replace.  Face or recognize those negative thoughts and replace them with positive encouraging thoughts.


We hear a lot in social media of being kind to others.  Be kind to yourself also!  You may find it easier to be kind to others when you are being kind to yourself.   When your cup is overflowing with kindness you have more to offer to others.


For those of us of faith, we know Satan wants to keep us from living as God wants us to live.  Satan wants us to live in shame, a feeling of worthlessness and guilt.  Satan wants to paralyze us in fear of failing and not being "good enough".  This is NOT God's plan for our lives.  He has given each of us gifts that He intends for us to use.  Our lives have purpose and meaning, and it's not too late!  We may not always know what our purpose is, we may be confused on what our call and gifts are. That's okay, work on re-directing the mean girl and seeking your purpose, because you, my dear, have a gift that is meant to be shared.


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  • Maria Antoniello on

    So True! I have a mean girl in my head too! Love this! Thank you:)

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